The Gift

I’m a young comedian and I constantly feel like I’m being taken advantage of. I also get the feeling that show promoters don’t really have my back. Don’t get me wrong, I have met a few promoters that actually care, while others are simply more concerned with how much money they make.

There are so many promoters who really have no business running a show. Recently, I was screwed over by this one promoter in a major room in Los Angeles. He put together a lineup of ten comedians, all with varying set times which were based on the number of people they brought. Those who brought more people got to choose the best spots. Unfortunately, many of them simply were not prepared for a show of this crowd size. What I didn’t know was that many of these “comedians” were performing for the first time.

The laughs were not constant and in the middle of a very uneven show, the promoter went up and performed for HALF AN HOUR! Not only that: HE SUCKED. The promoter drove most of the audience away and before those of us who got screwed by the lineup could complain, HE LEFT!

After showing up before 8 p.m., I finally got up at a quarter to midnight in a 200 seat theater to perform for 20, count ‘em 20 exhausted patrons who at this point felt they would probably be better off jamming their fingers in their eyes than laugh. It’s cool though. My “Closer” is centered on eye gouging, so I was able to salvage something.

Naturally, I was quite pissed, but a week later, the same guy offered me another spot in another free cover show. Thinking that he was making up for his mistake, I said yes. A couple days before the show, I started to get a little paranoid about this guy and his so called free shows. So, I texted him and ask, “Hey man, I just wanted to make sure the show is on for Tuesday at 9 p.m. and I wanted to confirm that I was on the lineup.” He replies, “Yes, absolutely, you are definitely in. 100%, slam dunk, no doubt, you are confirmed in my lineup. I will see you on Tuesday. Oh, by the way… Who is this?” I’m 100% in the show and you have no idea who this is: that doesn’t even make any sense!

Well, that Tuesday came around, and I was able to vent my frustrations when it came time for my set. While I’m sure the promoter would not have been happy to hear what I had to say, it really doesn’t matter, because he didn’t even show up for his own show. Typical! I suppose the people at the show dug it. They were laughing and they even invited me back.
I almost owe the jerk promoter a debt of gratitude, because he injected some life into an act that I felt had been losing steam. A lot of what I perform comes from frustration, and while nothing is frustrating about an act that works, nothing is more frustrating than working with lame promoters. He handed me an ironic gift in the form of disappointment, which I have been fortunate enough to put into words on stage. What the hell am I saying? Screw that guy!