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Three Perfect Sitcoms
Do you know why I love July? “Why?” Because it’s not December. “Whoa. Are you saying that you don’t like the holidays?” How dare you, disembodied voice in my head! I’m not saying any such thing. I’m just pointing out that in December, EVERY columnist is doing a year-end summary or a top ten list. But in July, I pretty much have that territory all to myself. AND I LOVE TOP TEN LISTS. “Good for you.” So, let’s do one. Let’s list the top three sitcoms of all time! “Um, I thought you were going to do a top TEN [...]
“Laugh”, I said “laugh”!
At a show last night a friend brought a friend who brought a friend and the friend said “I think comedians should get drunk before they go on stage”. I didn’t, had a great set anyway, but it made me think about how is it that we break down walls. In my email in-box I subscribe to a thing called Notes from the Universe. I know it sounds cheesy, but modern times call for modern measures. In other words, secret “that shit in” folks, whatever “that shit” may be. Anyway the note I got yesterday said. “Be still, Leisa, (yes [...]
Ape-Shit Lazy
Why don’t bad things happen to good people more often? Rather, why doesn’t the appropriate thing happen to the deserving person more often? Life needs to teach us lessons, no matter how severe, in order for us as a species to evolve. There was an incident in Connecticut last year (and I’m really on top of it) that bugs me every time it pops into my head. It was a gratuitously violent episode born from human arrogance and ignorance. An attack by an animal, something that may otherwise be considered a predictable part of nature, was triggered by a person [...]
Doug Stanhope Crosses the Line
When does fearlessness become recklessness? When does honesty become irresponsibility and meanness? When does Eric Somers stop asking questions and get to the meat of his column? Another Heavy Hitters columnist that I respect a lot (I won’t give his name but it rhymes with Mason Mature) recently turned me on to something really, really good. And that something good is comedian Doug Stanhope’s website (dougstanhope.com). In particular, Mason’s sound-a- like insisted that I would love Doug Stanhope’s journal. Well, oh my God. I’ve read only one entry but I’m already hopelessly hooked. Doug’s July 12th entry, which talks about [...]
Dead Zone Comedian
I have recently been watching the television series the Dead Zone on Netflix. It is loosely based off Stephen King’s best -selling novel of the same name. Johnny Smith, the main character, has the ability to see the future. As a child he fell and hit his head while playing hockey and he became a little bit psychic, but then years later he got into a car accident and went into a coma for 6 years and when he woke up he became really psychic. Now all he has to do is touch someone and he instantly travels through space [...]
Duh Future
People never cease to surprise. Every once in a while, here and there, somebody will open their mouth in my direction and proceed to spill out a gem of pure retardedry. After the initial dumbfounded reaction passes, I may grow inspired. Next thing you know, thanks to an absurd statement made by an otherwise harmless fella with a little water on the brain, I have a column on my hands. Finally, societal stupidity works for me, rather than against. It should be noted, the offender in question is a friend, outside of comedy, and he has an exceptional I.Q. He’s [...]
Crowd Pleaser
I would just like to take a moment to send a special message to those audience members who attended the comedy show at the Hollywood Hotel Lounge Friday night. F.U.C.K. Y.O.U. May all of you get exactly what you want and deserve; a boring, unexamined, unoriginal, sterile, insignificant, fruitless, banal existence. And cancer. May you all get cancer. The type of cancer doesn’t matter so long as it makes you lie in your death bed, eating at your organs at a slow enough pace to get you to realize that you wasted your life fearing your death, and that you [...]
Louis C. K. is a Jerk
Oh, do I have your attention now? Because I’ve added a little something to this week’s column. As you know, the body of this column is an exercise in irrefutable analysis. The headline, however, is something different. The headline, this week, is a piece of poppycock. “Louis C. K. is a jerk,” is a blatantly false, attention grabbing publicity stunt. It exists only to raise your ire and provoke you into reading this column. Does that make me the jerk? Maybe. But what it definitely does is invite the following question: Why do comics love Louis C.K.? The general public [...]
Excuses
I’m embarrassed to post things on the Internet. I’ll admit it. Each time I send something in, or make a Facebook update, or log into Twitter, it doesn’t matter how, I always feel a little self-conscious about it. I don’t like feeling obligated to tell everyone what’s going on all the time. I know that’s a little odd for a comic to admit, being that I’m supposed to readily tell you everything that’s in my head, but for me, that’s on stage. I also know that I hardly ever update my column, something that’s an outlet that some very good [...]
The Patriot
I hope all of you had a decent Fourth of July weekend. I say decent because everybody loves to say a “great Fourth of July weekend” and frankly, the Fourth of July is never great. Okay, maybe the one in 1776 was great but the rest of them have just been sequels, and sequels never live up to the original. If you managed to keep all your fingers, keep out of the all the DUI checkpoints, and keep your hangover to a minimum, well then, that’s about as decent a Fourth of July as you’re gonna get. Personally, the Fourth [...]
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