Conan & Jay

Pun perfected. I wouldn’t normally say this about a privileged wonder(bread) kid that has spent the better part of the last two decades raking in gross amounts of money in a dream job setting, but Conan O’Brien deserves better. Better than a beaten up, out of touch, spineless banality factory of a network. NBC, which apparently stands for Never Be Comical, is abandoning all faith in a performer that has performed consistently excellent year in and year out. The Peacock is in last place, and they are exerting the type of attitude that might lead one to believe that that’s right where they should stand. Shit belongs in the sewer, if I recall the popular nursery rhyme correctly. When you strategically produce mediocrity in favor of an alternative that is purely and undoubtedly better, when you operate under that type of ass-backwards mentality, you cannot expect extraordinary results.

In the family of Tonight Show hosts, integrity must skip a generation. If Johnny Carson lacked charisma and relevance, and had been asked to step down “early”, I confidently speculate that he would have taken a gracious bow in lieu of lurking in the shadows of Prime-time like a crazed jackal. We’ve all heard the story of Jay Leno hiding in the board room closet, eavesdropping while NBC executives discussed the fate of the show. Almost twenty years later, and Jay is still in that closet. With all due respect to Mr. Leno, he is resembling less a seasoned stand-up comedy veteran and more an attention starved, network poster-manchild Mongoloid that houses an extra chromosome in his abnormal chin. Nevermind the fact that Jay has all but buried the very platform that he built his career with, essentially cutting the rope that he climbed to the top with; but the man just isn’t very funny anymore. He’s like what Bob Sagget would be if Bob had completely said “fuck it.”

For years, I would reluctantly catch snippets of Leno pandering to his vanilla audience while awaiting a more honest comedic effort in O’Brien. When the planned switch was announced in 2004, I was elated to see someone genuinely talented being awarded for all the right reasons. The time came and all seemed right. Conan’s Tonight Show was the double shot of Listerene that I needed to get the bad taste of Leno’s Tonight Show out my mouth. Five years and seven months of being mislead to the notion that the World was going to make sense. A hope that has been aborted by what has unfolded over the last couple of weeks. The ratings are in. It’s official. Up will be down, once again. I admire Conan for refusing to move the Tonight Show into a morning time slot. He seems to care more about NBC’s history than NBC does.

Conan will be out of the picture and Jay Leno will swoop in to transform the Tonight Show into the Good Night Show. A fitting metaphor, considering the age demographic that comprises Leno’s core audience. Older, calmer, less-impulsive, set in their way, less likely to be responsive to new advertising. Got to keep a group like that appeased. Not only is it an issue of pissing off the kids that buy the shit that is being peddled, effectively losing the respect of a new generation, but I notice that the smarter audience tends to be down with CoCo. His line of humor is very much appreciated within the alternative comedy scene. A more likely Leno viewer is a guy that doesn’t like to reach too far for his punch lines; or an overbearing housewife, with too much pent up energy, that laughs and makes annoying facial expressions every time she is even remotely kidding. You know the type. The “I’m just trying to keep shit off of my mind” type.

The Jay Leno Show didn’t fail because it wasn’t right for Primetime. It failed because it wasn’t right. It was uninspired. I dare you to watch it without once rolling your eyes. Jay’s going through creative menopause. His comedy eggs are drying up. The very idea of having respected professionals earn their plug is a pretentious idea that puts Jay and his show on some undeserved pedestal. The very idea that a guy that screwed David Letterman coming and Conan O’Brien going wants anyone to “earn” anything is suspect, to say the least. The main reason that Leno scores better numbers than Conan is pretty cut and dry. In a society where mediocrity is exalted, there are simply more people content with Leno’s C game than there are purists who desire a more deeply-layered talent like O’Brien. America is pumped so full of vapid horseshit that passes for entertainment, many people begin to prefer it. Further evidence that we are in a constant state of arrested development: Arrested Development was cancelled. Cleared out to make room for such programming as Are You Smarter Than a Cheese Grater? David Cross, no. Jeff Foxworth, yes. That is what the majority of the viewing audience wants. When, if ever, is the majority right about anything?

Anything that challenges the intelligence of the double digit I.Q. median that stays glued to the tube is feverishly swept under the rug. Meanwhile, a bi-polar teenager with wig lice and her dullard daddy pimp our youth with substandard, watered-down pop music and a television show that is “good for kids.” Just because a program is devoid of colorful language and hooker spit, doesn’t automatically make it good for kids. It just ensures that a new generation will pass down paralyzed standards to their shallow children.

So, that’s all that’s at stake here. The future quality of our art and entertainment. That’s all. NBC, the good folks that told us that Norm MacDonald isn’t funny (a claim made by Dickless Ebersol and backed by the network), will ring the last few years out of their comedy workhorse until any alternative with a credibility factor removes themselves from the equation. I’m sure big name talent will be bursting through the doors down at NBC Universal now that everyone has witnessed how team players are treated. The integrity of a storied franchise will be compromised for the sake of one man’s inflamed ego. So it will be. If all this is indicative of how things are going to be at NBC, then their immediate future is looking pretty bleak. On the other hand, the rainbow after the storm might prove to be worth all of this trouble. In the wake of such an onslaught of bullshit, it’s good to see it have the right effect on people. The outcry of support for the good guy is reassuring. So often, mediocrity triumphs quality and it goes virtually unnoticed. Maybe The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien will serve as a martyr, perhaps it will not die in vain after all. Conan may end up with a product that is truly his own. He might take over Letterman’s spot in 2012 and make things interesting for all of us. Any business that would screw a good man so blatantly, doesn’t deserve good people in the first place. I cannot think of any puns that involve NBC and First Place.

It's Official

Well, it’s unfortunate but official, Conan O’Brien is leaving The Tonight Show with his last performance coming this Friday, January 22nd. For the past week, Conan has been opening the show with monologues fun filled with heavy hitting blows at NBC and Jay Leno, leaving you with this sense that his time is limited. On Tuesday, he opened by saying, “Hi, I’m Conan O’Brien and I’m just three days away from the biggest drinking binge in history.” Well the deal has been inked, which is said to be worth $45M. NBC will pay Conan about $32.5M and the rest will be divided amongst his staff. The deal also has some stipulations, like Conan will not be able to perform on air on any other network until September 2010. So, for all you Conan fans, you’ll have to Tivo or DVR his last 2 shows if you want to get your fix in the future.

Conan or Jay

It’s not official, but it looks like Conan O’Brien will be leaving “The Tonight Show.” This is a complete disappointment to fans of the show as well as the fans of the franchise.

Last night on “The Jay Leno Show,” Jay decided to offer his point of view on the whole situation, which was an obvious attempt to selfishly save face. Unfortunately, it didn’t work for me! Remember the days, when entertaining an audience meant you actually had to entertain the audience? Boy, those were the days, but now it is all about reality TV moments. Here’s a nickels worth of free advice, “stop talking about your backstage business and just handle it!”

It took Jay a total of 3 and a half minutes of network television time to explain his view of the situation and guess what? It turns out it is completely NBC’s fault. How about that? Jay explained that NBC is unhappy with his shows performance, oh yeah, and Conan’s too.

This just in: Jeff Zucker, President of NBC has just commissioned a time machine and they are ready to go back in time. GREAT SCOTT MARTY!

Jay went on to explain that in 2007, NBC wanted to retain both Jay and Conan, and in an effort to not repeat the past (Jay Laughs), NBC offered Conan the “Tonight Show” job. Unfortunately, they gave Conan the job with 7 months left on Jay’s contract. NBC said “oops, our bad…hindsight is 20/20” and proceeded to repeatedly shoot themselves in the foot with a sawed-off comedy shotgun.

Here’s how the ship hit the iceberg, it was when NBC decided to move Jay Leno to prime-time instead of paying out the remainder of his contract. The reality is that “The Jay Leno Show” is scoring the low numbers that are affecting the affiliates.

My favorite thing about this big ass debacle is that Jay refers to being replaced by Conan as being fired. Just for the record, Jay has never been fired from NBC. He was repurposed. There’s a difference.

Well, thanks Jay for wasting my time last night, letting me in on how you see it. Your negotiation tactics are terrible. Are you looking for free legal advice or sympathy?

This is a complete disaster for NBC and just another example of why the network continues to be in last place. When Comcast purchases the network I hope heads roll.

Conan after 16 years of “The Late Show” and 7 months of “The Tonight Show,” NBC has decided to screw you over. They are going with Jay. I only hope your move is quick and successful and that you blow Jay out of the water. The game is on! Good luck.

Conan O'Brien

Conan O’Brien has just announced that he will NOT be taking NBC’s offer to move the “TONIGHT SHOW” to the 12:05am time-slot. He went on to say, that any move would ruin the show permanently and that he hopes a deal can be made with NBC to stay in the same time-slot. Well NBC, the ball is now in your court, and all I have to say is, don’t mess it up.

NBC has a real big problem with transitioning shows. This disaster happened 18 years ago with Jay Leno and David Lettermen and now…Conan O’Brien. It is so sad that NBC hasn’t learned from its mistakes. I guess this is why NBC is in last place, poor decision making. Come on Jeff Z.!

NBC, this is what you should do if you want to continue to be respected as a producer of quality television programming. You need to tell Jay Leno, it has been fun, but it is time to say “Goodbye.” You can’t continue to give Jay Leno everything he asks for. It’s simply not fair to Conan or Jimmy Fallen. This problem impacts Conan and Jimmy’s staff personally as well as their fans, which they work so hard for night in and night out.

I get business and I know that both shows are not doing as well as they once did in their former time-slots, but damage has been done. You can not move Jay back to his old time-slot and think you’ll fix the problem, because his fans have moved on. It is now time to invest strength and passion for the new face of the TONIGHT SHOW. Conan and his staff have made a major life move to California to continue the legacy of one of the greatest shows on television. Conan’s numbers will improve and you will hate seeing that when you read the Nielsen’s. Don’t be foolish.

Here’s how you pull NBC out of last place. It begins with going back to basics. For one, bring back the sitcom. It seems to work for every other network. I know you guys want to save money, then I suggest going after unknown talent. Turn nobodies into house-hold names and stop paying MOVIE STARS to play television roles. Give me a chance and I will take you out of the red!