Jackass Time

I can’t believe it’s already Friday. Where does all the time go? I haven’t been able to get up in almost a week and I’m missing the stage. I spend most of my day in front of my computer working for the man and my nights, well, that’s when I get an opportunity to get up in front of people and act like a total jackass — and I’m missing it.

You see, I’ve had to put away my comic card this week because I’ve been busy on another endeavor. It’s a lawsuit against my former employer and it’s not looking good. Basically, I’m suing the CEO personally instead of the company, on grounds that the company is not legitimate. The Judge kindly reminded me that she’ll “…be the judge of whether the company is legitimate or not.” Ouch! I also kept referring to her as “ma’am” instead of “Your Honor.” I’m not scoring points with the Judge at the moment.

I spent the past week preparing for this case, which has left absolutely no time to write jokes. Well, I’ve written a few jokes that I liked, but I haven’t had my jackass time and it’s killing me.

I like calling open mics my “jackass time,” because it gives me a chance to make noise and create stupid analogies all while wearing a silly face and dancing a little dance. Just kidding, I don’t actually do that sort of stuff in my act, but I’d like to. I probably should. Shit, it’s my jackass time.

All kidding aside, I’ve spent way too much time getting this stupid case together – which, at the end of the day, was a complete waste of time. The good news is it’s all over. Starting tonight, I will reclaim what’s rightfully mine, and that is any stage with a microphone and an amplifier. If I ever go homeless, I will have to make sure my shopping cart is equipped with plenty of notepads, pens, a microphone, amplifier and a diehard battery to power it all.

I think one of the reasons why I’m so attracted to standup is that it helps me keep my head straight. I really hate my day job. It robs me of all my time and energy and my will to live. You see, I log reality TV footage all day. The life of a reality star is simply too boring and is completely influenced by writers, editors, producers and network heads. Sometimes, I watch the footage and ask myself, who has it worse?

Open Mic Night

I decided this is the year that I’m going to throw myself to the wolves and go to as many open mics as humanly possible. I’ve rested on my laurels for way too long. I’ve become too comfortable in my routine and while my act has matured from “long-form storytelling” to quicker, tighter, jokes, I still feel as though I haven’t yet tap into my real comic voice.

You know that voice that truly represents what you’re thinking and feeling at that very moment on stage. For me, it comes out from time-to-time during my infrequent adlibs, but it’s simply not often enough. I feel like I rely too much on my written material and not enough focus on exploring new ideas while on stage in the moment. This is something I am working on at open mics.

The open mic circuit is a rough one and the challenge lies in being able to attract focus from the audience. Sometimes, I feel as if someone in the audience sent out a memo before the show starts stating “whatever you do, DON’T LAUGH!” I don’t know why, but it just feels that way. It makes it virtually impossible to measure the quality of your jokes. I know this is just another example of my lack of experience. This is another thing I’m working on at open mics. Get over it and just be funny!

Everyone with whom I discuss the topic of “open mics” says the same thing: don’t let an open mike help you decide whether or not you’re any good. If anything, it’s best to use that environment to get used to bombing. Bombing helps you grow. It helps you become a stronger comedian. You can’t know what’s funny until you know what’s NOT funny. This is just another thing I’m working on at open mics. I need to become more comfortable with silence, because from there comes focus.